W mentioned 'lady fingers' once or twice at home, and the other night again when we were at a birthday dinner. M prepared Tiramisu.

W: Where did you get your lady fingers? The ones I bought were not soft!

M: These ones are from Italy actually! but I think you can get similar ones from TESCO.

They're not lady fingers, they're sponge fingers. And I thought to myself, I've told you they were called sponge fingers, lady finger is veg 秋葵 or okra.

W: Yes I got some from Somerfield but they were not soft.

Me: Because for Tiramisu M first dipped them in espresso and that was why they became soft!

M: Yes! And we use the plain side to dip so that the other sugary side could keep the liquid inside from leaking!

I was somehow still thinking about the names 'sponge finger' and 'lady finger' and the object.

Then yesterday I read parts of a book that S recommended. I read a couple of chapters very quickly online. There was a part about being self-righteous.

From that, I started to reconsider my behaviour. Was that a kind of self-righteousness? Why was I affected by how a thing was called by others?

Maybe I was not. Maybe I interpreted the situation as my advice not being taken and therefore got unnecessarily irritated. Why didn't she take some action to change after I corrected her mistake?

Obviously, that was self-righteousness.

Yet, to think again about it, she did not agree with me, but what was also involved was that I did not think she was right either. Why didn't I think she was right? Was I really so sure she could not be right?

So I checked dictionaries, and found that we were both right.

Like Haidt mentions, my time was spent in vain on unnecessary worries.

PS. An apology to W.

1 comment:

w said...

Dear W, I kind of sensed your confusion right in that ocassion, sorry that we didn't have a chance to talk afterwards, of course I remember what you told me and remember our conversations. I trust you in what you tell me. I just thought M would be happy to talk about her making of the desert. : ) I think that's why I started the topic.
You worried to much indeed, dear lady, but thanks for looking it up in the dictionary. Knowledge begins with curiosity! I learned a lot from our small chat!
W, too.