How could this be? Sometimes I feel I force someone into receiving my friendliness. They may or may not want what I give (I'm not sure), and they might or might not just be putting up with me the whole time (I'm really not sure).
My serious self is making me really uncool. I look at friendship so seriously that I could suffocate anyone near me. Poor souls (?).
My beautiful belief is that when I feel like it I treat my friend as nicely as I can. One-sided friendship is sometimes thus created, and a lot of times I am left with an amount of self-pity and unfulfilled love and sometimes even disrespect. Fading friendship or even just cooling down of it would be enough to light up my self-doubt and insecurity.
I'm not saying I only give and don't get anything. That's not what I meant. Quite on the contrary, I feel I am given so much, and I treasure the times of our interaction and feel thrilled to be close to someone.
I'm weird to be thinking so hard on this but I can't help it.
I thought I was a great friend, but this time I might be screwing it up big time. Time to learn a lesson:
When I feel I want a certain friend to care more, I should just begin to care less.
Friends don't need me to always be there. Just be there when they need me. No more, no less.
It doesn't make any sense, yet I see the complexity (in my silly head) is gradually being erased away.
A new balance is on its way.